What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
