so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
