Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
