Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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