is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's the barista slut.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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