Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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