I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
