A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize