I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
