he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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