I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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