I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Found your dick twin last night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize