you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
