You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
