I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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