Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
