shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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