dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize