I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
