I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
