Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this will be a night to untag.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
