You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
