New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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