May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize