Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
