just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
