i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
