oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
