I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
