this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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