No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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