I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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