I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
