He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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