you guys were way drunker than both of me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
