I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it's like iHOP with fire
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
