gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
