Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
