I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
even my farts smell like vagina
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
