Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
