I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
