just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
