I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
