the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
