$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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