the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
