omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
