thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
