You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
