Cold hands, warm shart.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
