Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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