We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
