how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
