I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
