I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
