i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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