What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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