Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
