Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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