Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
