I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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