i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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