No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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