I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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