i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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