He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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