I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
